As I was listening to the "Into the Wild" soundtrack by Eddie Vedder, I got to thinkin'.. sometimes I wish I had the guts to put everything on hold and run away to Alaska.. not without cash or food, but just a journey to find myself, alone.
It's not that I want to throw my whole life away as though it is meaningless, which is what Christopher McCandless did in essence when he ran off to Alaska, burning his money and ridding himself of every opportunity to climb back into society.
No, what I want to do is put my life, which is full of worth, on hold. I want to put everything on the back-burner, if you will. I love where I'm headed. I'm happy with where things could potentially lead to.. but the journey there, it's strenuous.
Since I've become a college student, I've had no "me" time. I have not been able to get a job, and thus have no cash to waste away on stupid little things that make one happy and carefree, such as going to a movie with some friends every week or going out for a beer (well, I'm not 21 yet but that day will come soon).
In other words, I'm stressed beyond my limits. I have lots of patience, but my patience is shrinking thinner and thinner. I need a break, one that involves something new, but doesn't require me being graded or financially backed up by the government. Something that involves me going to a far away place just to do it.. to conquer something, and to return home and say "I've done it.." proudly.
I've done many things, but I haven't truly been that great at anything. I've always been told I was talented or creative, yet often times come in last place when it comes to those sorts of things. I'm sick of loneliness. I'm sick of boredom and artificial fun. I'm sick of living in today's selfish society. I'm sick of being lovesick. I'm sick of myself.
I might just be kidding myself, and the chances of me actually setting out to do something crazy like this are lower than the deepest chamber of Hell, but sometimes I get to thinking: what if? What if I could run off to Alaska, and return? Could I do it? Would I? Is that something I'd do, and do well? To leave society be for several months and explore creation on my own, to meditate on my God in a lonely solitude within the northern parts, yet not a bad lonely?
Hmmm.. maybe. Perhaps someday I'll get to this one.
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